The shopping struggle is so real, y’all.
12:01 am: Check bank account. Then play this song whilst dancing merrily.
12:03: Resolve to totally buy a new wardrobe for summer tomorrow.
11:00 am: Pay rent.
11:02: Pay student loan bill.
11:04: Pay cell phone bill.
11:06: Pay electric.
11:07: Pay cable.
11:10: Cry quietly.
11:20: Wipe tears. Okay, you big baby, you have about $414.25 for your new summer wardrobe. #youresorich.
12:03: Boyfriend/fiance/husband (man friend?) declares that it’s ‘your week’ to buy groceries.
12:04: Momentary internal sadness.
12:05: Ask man friend why he needs food when he has your love.
12:06: Okay fine, you now have $314.25 for your new summer wardrobe! Huzzah!
1:04: Walk to subway — looking fly, duh.
1:05: “Insufficient fare” – MTA
1:08: Begrudgingly purchase new metro card.
1:19: Okay, you have 204.25 for your new summer wardrobe!
1:31: To Zara! But first, Starbucks.
1:52: OMG, I love Zara so darn much, I am going to buy all this stuff. All. of. it.
2:00: This coat. I must have this coat! It’s so lightweight. Perfect for those chilly spring nights!
2:02: Why is this coat $200?
2:03: Continue browsing.
2:13: Wait, why can’t I afford any of the good stuff at Zara?
2:14: Text friend, ‘Does Zara no longer cater to the poor?’
2:17: Prompt reply: ‘Did they ever?”
2:18: To H&M!!
2:25: OMG, I love H&M — they have THE cutest stuff, like everrrr. And it’s so affordable!
2:30: Is this skirt made of foam?
2:31: Why is this foam skirt $75?
2:35: Whatever, I am gonna try it on
2:40: Where the heck are the dressing rooms in this place?!
2:42: Bored teen associate directs you to third floor
2:42: There’s a third floor here?
2:45: Oooh, I love that sparkly pencil skirt!
2:52: Who ARE all these people who need to try on things, too?!???
2:53: Take your place the end of the unbelievably long dressing room line.
2:56: Why do they only have five dressing rooms??? This is NEW YORK. Everything is supposed to be better here. Jeez.
3:00: A low, gnawing hunger begins to set in
3:01: “Think of all the froyo you can buy with the $75 dollars you’re going to spend on that foam skirt!” – Conscience
3:03: “Can you even wear a skirt that short to work?” – Conscience again
3:05: “This skirt isn’t even hemmed, girl.” -Conscience, again
3:10: Notice the line has not moved.
3:15: This is dumb. Place foam skirt on nearest rack. Leave. Buy froyo. Return home.
3:35: But what’s on ASOS?! They have great, work appropriate yet on-trend attire!
3:42: Purchase this, this, and this because trends and free shipping. Also you really need a cropped top. Badly.
4:45: Watch Scandal on Netflix.
6:15: Decide you actually DO need that coat from Zara because Olivia Pope has great seasonally appropriate coats and look at how successful she is. She is even sort of dating the president!
6:20: Purchase coat online with credit card.
6:23: Resolve that you will thank yourself later because you will look exactly like Olivia Pope in that coat.
6:24: Mission accomplished.
6:25: Check bank account to determine how much you can spend on wine at dinner tonight…