I have noticed a trend lately. Every two to three years an extraordinary woman comes along and writes a series of books that changes the landscape of America. Meaning, everyone starts reading when before they were all sitting around being fat and watching The Bachelor. THEN, those books get turned into epic movies that everyone gets to go see at the theater so they can resume being carb lovers. Let’s be honest, the $135 movie theater popcorn is truly irresistible (truly — it is freaking delicious).

I find this INCREDIBLY exciting because my three favorite things (in order) are books, movies and eating things that are bad for me (Yea, I know, fashion isn’t on this list. Weird.)

So ANYWAY America is obsessed with The Hunger Games. A mediocre book series about killing your friends. Before that, America was obsessed with Twilight, a horrible book series (and movie series) about a tragic autistic girl, her sparkly boyfriend and their shirtless, gay best friend. Before that America was obsessed with Harry Potter, an extraordinary book series (and movie sensation) about a trio of wizards who battle the Dark Lord (so much win).

So even though I think Harry Potter is (by far) the best of all of these fantasy series, I decided I would rank them  from 1 to 10 and see what my honest, objective opinion reveals in the end! Let’s gooooo!

The Protagonist

Katniss Everdeen: Gets automatic points for making a moderately lame pastime, archery, seem really cool. She is also independent and kills people without getting weird and girly about it. All of this changes in book three, though, when she starts sucking. Now, about the movie. I was pretty annoyed when they tapped Jennifer Lawrence for this part. Then I remembered her role in Winter’s Bone. Enough said.

Points (out of ten): 6

Harry Potter: Being a wizard is super awesome, attending (literally) the coolest school in the universe is even awesomer. Being perpetually hunted by a crazy snake man for your entire life is the awesomest. However, Harry can get pretty angsty and annoying. Am I right, y’all? It was like, one second we were all happy and playing Quidditch, then the next we were sulking off by the Womping Willow.

Points: 8

Bella Swan: I have to give Hollywood credit for taking the most flat, vapid, insipid, and silly character and finding the most emotionally challenged and sullen actress to pay her. Bella Swan is the worst.

Points: 1 (a pity point)

The Two Comrades

Gale and Peeta: “Oh great, another lame love triangle,” says everyone in the universe. But somehow, these two make it work. They are still both kind of pathetic though. And the casting — Miley Cyrus’ boyfriend and a hobbit. For real? No thanks.

Points: 4

Ron and Hermione: Aren’t these two the best? Talk about the best best friends in the world. Always down for whatever and hilarious and willing to do your homework. Seriously? Is there any contest? These are the two best comrades ever. Except that Ron can be sort of stupid and Hermione can be a total boss (which is why we love her so it really isn’t that bad).

Points: 9

Edward and Jacob: You may remember that we were first introduced to Edward Cullen in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire where he played a lovable Hufflepuff. Then things went terribly, terribly wrong and he wound up in Twilight where he immediately became awful. Despite Ed’s wretchedness, Jake really does make the entire Twilight series for being an oversized, poorly executed CGI dog. So he gets points.

Points: 5

The Villain

President Snow: Dear me! This man is all kinds of scary and vindictive. I hated him. He is the best villain ever! I loved his story line, too. Also, President Snow made book three not suck so badly So that right there is an amazing accomplishment.

Points: 9

Lord Voldemort: For you people who think Harry Potter is just for kids, answer me this: Would you want to put a poster of this face in your child’s bedroom? I didn’t think so. Voledmort is pretty awful because he is a stone-faced killer, y’all! Voldie does some serious damage to the cast of Harry Potter, too. He doesn’t play.

Points: 9

The Volturi: Remember these losers? Yea, I don’t either.

Points: 1 (another pity point)

So, let’s see how everyone faired (I am bad at math, so beware)

Hunger Games: 19

Harry Potter: 26

Twilight: 7

Harry Wins!!! (of course)

images via here, here, here, here, here, and here 

photo source

skirt: H&M | Shoes: Target | Top: American Apparel | Jewelry: H&M and Target

I have actually never worn my hair like this ever.

My hair was looking completely crazy today (like…completely). I wanted a style that would basically hide my hair from the scornful eyes of strangers and thus shield me from public embarrassment.  So Voila! This [almost] French roll ensued… I hope I can re-create it tomorrow…

As someone who didn’t particularly like the books. I was very surprised by how good this movie was. The movie was, dare I say, better than the book. Which speaks volumes about Stephanie-what’s-her-name’s writing ability. I always say “Don’t judge a book by its movie”… but with this particular flick, you can.

Howz about a flippant Clarabelle-style movie review, eh?

Hair and makeup:

• The wigs were bad. Like Lifetime Original Movie bad.
• Kristen Stewart’s weave, however, was A-mazing!
• Ashley Greene (Alice Cullen) looked  fabulous.
• Perhaps a little overzealous with Pattinson’s under-eye circles? Not cute.
• Um, Mr. Lautner was just all around fantastic looking. That is all.

The Acting

• Kristen Stewart proved that better hair and makeup can make you appear to be a talented actress. (Though, would it kill the girl to smile… just once?)
• I have no idea what Rob-Patt was even doing. Good thing he wasn’t in it for much.
• Lautner stole the show. Do your arms hurt, Taylor? Cuz you carried this movie.
• Speaking of stealing the show… is it just me or are Jacob’s pack of werewolves way more fun than those dry, boring Cullens?
• Ashley Greene (Alice Cullen) was also adorable. She is made for this role.
• The supporting vampires where actually good, not cheesy, and not downright dirty-looking. Bravo!
• Bella Swan’s classmates (esp. Jessica) were fantastic!

The Production

• Soooo much better than Twilight. New Moon actually looked and sounded like a real movie (not a made-for-TV one like Twilight did… yes, I’ll say it. Twilight was wretched.)

The Story

• Delightfully true to the book… except better.
• A little rushed at times, but the book WAS 500+ pages. So it is to be expected.

That is all. Let me know how you felt about New Moon… don’t try to hide it. I know you saw it.

Anyway, I saw the first movie and now I am confused. Luckily, I have smart, witty, well-versed readers who can perhaps shed some light on the subject.

For those of you who don’t know, the Twilight series is about vampires. The vampires are extremely, blindingly, and out-of-this-world  B E A U T I F U L. They also don’t age and are immortal and blah, blah, blah. Their unparalleled beauty is designed to lure their prey (humans) right to them so that they can kill them (how charming, right?).

So here’s the deal. The casting team who hired the young actors who play the vampires did a great job. They are all very beautiful people who fit the vampire persona. However, the makeup team managed to make them look… well, in a word,…. bad.

Now, I know the vampires are supposed to be pale and have dark circles but they are also supposed to be gorgeous. Moreover, how did a team of professional makeup artists manage to make such beautiful people look so bad? In their defense, I will say they did a better job with the gentleman. But the ladies really got the shaft here.

Take a look:

This is the beautiful Ashley Greene who plays Alice Cullen in Twilight. As you can see, she is a fresh, pixie-faced girl. Much like how Alice is described in the book. However, somehow in “vampire mode” her pixie, fairy-like glow is gone. And with that wig on she kind of looks like a housewife, not a perpetual 17-year old.

This is the stunning Nikki Reed who had the honor of playing Rosalie Cullen, the angelic and breathtaking vampire in Twilight. Rosalie Cullen is described as the most beautiful woman in the world. Nikki Reed is positively gorgeous as herself. But as Rosalie… eh, she’s pretty; but not jaw dropping.

Perhaps I am being overly critical. As I said before, I am not the biggest Twilight fan. However, I am a HUGE filmmaking fan. I love to see the magic that can occur on screen. For me, this isn’t the best work.

What do ya’ll think?