Last weekend, I got me some bangs. I have had them for approximately five days and they have already changed my life — for worse and for better (like marriage!). Here’s why:
The Good:
The bangs, overall, are quite lovely. I look exactly like Zooey Deschanel with bangs. In fact, people have stopped me on the street and they are all like, “Omg, are you Zooey Deschanel??” and I am all like, “Oh, hehehe yes no. It’s just my amazing bangs!”
So that is good.
The Bad:
I have prided myself in waking up (about) thirty minutes before I need to leave my apt to get to the office on time each morning. That thirty minutes is usually broken down as follows:
- 7:31: After hitting the snooze button a million times I emerge groggily from my bed looking like a monster
- 7:31- 7:34: Get dressed
- 7:34-7:52: Complain to myself about how tired I am and how everything is the worst.
- 7:52 – 7:57: Brush teeth
- 7:57 – 8:09: Eat breakfast (Yes, I know I should brush my teeth after breakfast, but I have an unbreakable routine. The idea of breaking this delicate a.m. order is unthinkable.)
- 8:09: Leave
You will notice that “do my hair” is not a line item. Because, during the week, I do not do my hair. I usually wake up, throw my hair into some bootleg version of the topknot and resume complaining about my tiredness.
With bangs, all of this has changed. I must now do my bangs. Which requires complex tools like a flat iron and heat protection spray. Now, I still don’t do the rest of my hair (that’s asking too much). But I must make sure I give my bangs the love and attention they need and deserve. This also means that my morning has been entirely thrown off and I have to cut down on my morning complaints by about five minutes.
So that’s not as good.
The end.
